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Monday, November 20, 2006

1am in the morning. just watched sitcom friends on 5 thirty minutes ago. i remember when i was 14? we (fahizul, ivon and i) used to discuss about it every tuesday coz the show was on monday night. haha and i remember ivon's sister always created trouble for her whenever she wanted to watch. those days. damn it seems so far away. i'm listening to lover by sweetback and aya. damn. i want to go back to clementi one day to find jianrong but he's always having school and i cant seem to find the right time? ahh. i shall just camp outside his place one day. i can vaguely remember how to go there. you know what's strange? i went to his place less than like.. 20 times? but i remember it pretty vividly. on the other hand, i've clean forgotten how my old house looked like. i've forgotten the place that i stayed in for 13 years. i can only remember the marble flooring. i can remember the balcony with the crazy number of fighting fishes. and i remember the hideout in my room where i jotted down the dates of the days my parents fought. those days were tougher. i remember when my mum left home. i remember the days when they fought. damndamn i hate it. at least it's just verbal now. sigh. but there's more that i cant really disclose here?

it's already november 20. there's alot of things i want to do, but i cant find the right time to do. time is going to run out.

i miss that feeling.
when will it come back to me.
i've lost my judgement. i don't really know what's real and what's not. i can't quite tell who to trust. i cant help it if i guard myself against everyone new stepping into my life. because even those that were here for a long time, i somehow find them... fading away?

dusk turns into dust
twirling memory lingering outside
the blue rays from the orange sky
guidance from above
the compass of flesh and bones
subconsciously leading into despair
steel and love barely here
overcast and deluded
the voice messages that keeps on repeating

i wish.
how come we dont make wishes anymore.
wish upon a shooting star.
a birthday wish.
wish upon the first drop of rain.

the genie in the bottle has gone home.
i cant take it anymore. let me go.

11/20/2006 01:04:00 AM


another six-sided day has passed